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Why People Do Such Crazy Stuff (Completed) – Normal Healthy Depression is a Time to Rest, and Get Read, to Try Again - Episode 3

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Hello everybody; Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, where ever, and whenever you are. This is Cal Banyan with the Secret Language of Feelings program. Today I’m going to complete the overview of the distracters and the downward spiral of emotions and how distracting yourself from your feelings leads to more and emotional pain, like frustration and depression. In this episode I’m going to explain normal, healthy depression and then time permitting, I’ll explain what emotions are really for.

Alright now, I’m so glad to have you back for another episode, by the way if you recognize that you’re suffering from the feel bad distract cycle, there are some things you can do, keep on listening to the program, because we’re going to talk about how you can set yourself free from this downward spiral of emotions and set yourself free. You can get the book The Secret Language of Feeling; also, get in touch with a Certified 5- Path Hypnotist and its best if that individual is also certified in 7-Path Self Hypnosis. I’ll talk a little more about that later on in the program. As usual we have our super quick review of important points from last time, and then on to the new stuff.

Time for the super quick review, listen closely, alright what have we covered so far, all feelings are good when they come from accurate perception. They’re there to motivate us due to sometimes difficult things we need to do to satisfy our needs, wants and desires but that isn’t what we were taught, we were taught to ignore and deny the feelings that come from within us, rather than satisfying our needs, wants and desires we learn to distract ourselves from them. Distracters can be things such as eating, drinking, shopping too much, working too much, almost any kind of behavior that takes our mind away from the feeling inside of us we don’t like. Sometimes it can even be a painful behavior. Distracters make things worse, by what eventually causing frustration, and even depression, frustration comes from trying and being unsuccessful at fulfilling our needs, wants and desires. We have primary and secondary feelings, primary feelings are like the feeling that we get when we either fulfill or leave unfulfilled a need, want or desire. Secondary feelings are well there is just one, frustration. Frustration is always secondary to some other emotion, the primary feeling and frustration is caused by what, by trying and not succeeding, if we continue distracting then the frustration becomes stronger and stronger and even become unhealthy. Then nature, God, however you want to perceive that to be put in a safety valve as it were, the feeling is called normal, healthy depression. If you need more review then, re-listen to the previous program or heck all three previous programs and get brushed up. And also, once again, of course this is all covered in the book, so there we go; we’re on with the program. That my friend is why people do such crazy stuff, like eating when they want to lose weight, drinking when they want to be sober and so on. So, here we go into the new stuff.

Alright, as we get into the new stuff, if you don’t have the book make sure, if you’re not listening to this program on and again that’s go there because we have graphics that kind of show you the feel bad distract cycle, and it might make a little bit more sense to you that way. So, let me tell you something, I’m going to get into this idea of normal, healthy depression but sometimes an example goes quit a long way. Now, I now live in sunny California, I moved here just a little over a year ago and actually I’m originally from California, but for many years I lived in Minnesota, North Dakota, and probably the last ten years before we moved back to California, we lived in a suburb of Minneapolis, St. Paul and that’s where I lived when I wrote my books. Of course, we talk about the book The Secret Language of Feelings book on this program. I also wrote a book co-author with Jerry Kein, Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy basic too advanced techniques for the professional. Now one of the things you do when you write a book is you start going on radio stations and talking about the book that was one of the things I really enjoyed about writing the Secret Language of Feelings book is it was something that just about anyone could benefit from. It was a lot easier to get on radio stations and promote it than it was a book on Hypnosis because books on Hypnosis are mostly of interest to Hypnotists, Hypnotherapists, Counselors and Psychologists and that kind of thing. So, here I am, I’m out promoting my book the Secret Language of Feelings, sometimes I’m on radio stations and sometimes its very easy, you do a call in interview, but my favorite kind of interview to do is the live in studio interview.

One day I have an interview at one of the local radio stations in Minneapolis and let me tell you something, I digress a little bit here, now that I’m in California here you might check the weather or you might talk about the weather but, most of the time it is not all that dog gone important. But when you live in Minneapolis or one of those kinds of cities up North, the weather is a very important part of your life. You probably watch a little bit of the weather on TV, before you go to bed, and probably one of the first things you check when you get up in the morning before you leave the house at least is the weather. Well, the night before I headed off to the radio station, I checked the weather I noticed that it said hey, it’s going to snow tomorrow morning and so you know I thought well I got to drive all the way into Minneapolis, which is probably about 20 miles from where I lived in the suburbs, and what I decided you know the smart thing to do, get up about an hour and a half early because, believe me if you’ve got to be on the radio at a certain time, that show’s going to go on without you if you’re not there and I of course wouldn’t want that to happen. So, the next morning I get up an hour and half early, I checked the weather, and I’m very glad I did, it wasn’t snowing yet, but I knew that I needed to make sure I got out the an hour and a half early on that road. See I’d rather get some place an hour early, than to be even 5 minutes late, it’s just part of my personality, I figure I can you know do something productive along there but I don’t want to hold people up.

So, what’ll do, here is another kind of side thing, when I lived in Minneapolis I always drove a 4 wheel drive vehicle, be it my Jeep Wrangler, big Dodge pickup truck or whatever and now I live in California you know I’ve got a city peoples car I’ve got a Sedan which I really like. But back then I had that 4 wheel drive now so I get out on the road an hour and half earlier than I would have if there was no snow forecasted for the day. I get into my Jeep Wrangler and it’s a beautiful morning there is no snow yet I head towards the freeway. I get onto the freeway heading into Minneapolis and as soon as I got on that on ramp, what happens the first little bit of snow starts coming down, ok. I’m thinking wow, how much is it going to snow today and as I start moving along within 5 miles of getting on that freeway boy it really starts coming down, I mean it is coming down like crazy, and in just a few minutes we’ve got an inch or so of snow on the freeway and everybody starts slowing down and then there is another inch or so on the freeway and now everybody’s really slowing down, and I’m so glad that I left early and then you know I start noticing that some people weren’t as lucky as I was, I’m just slowly cruising down the freeway I’m thinking as long as the traffic keeps moving I’m happy and I notice that some of the cars have slid off the side of the road, some are on the left side of the road, some are on the right side of the road. Now, it’s going so slow, I mean we’re just really creeping along; we’re probably going 2 miles an hour but you know; now I’m feeling just fine because I left in plenty of time. And as I’m moving along I see this big, big, it’s like a Lincoln Continental off to the side of the road. And the guy’s in the car, and it’s a white Lincoln Continental, it’s jus a big old white Lincoln Continental, and what he’s doing, is he’s off the side of the road and he’s giving it the gas. Now, let me tell you about Minnesota in the winter time, it’s so cold that the ground freezes, it can freeze you know, it can freeze 1 to 3 feet deep and so this is in the winter time and the ground is frozen.

And you know, I’m cruising along real slowly so I get to watch this whole story unravel and he is there just spinning his wheels, spinning his wheels trying to get off the rough area there off the side of the highway and get back on the highway. Now first the wheels spinning and it’s just throwing up snow and that’s not so bad I guess, except he’s not getting anywhere, I suppose it’s not good for the motor, it’s not good for the tires, just using up fuel and oil and all of that kind of stuff. But I’m watching him and now he’s starting to create a little steam you know as he’s melting the snow and the rubber is spinning around some steam is coming up. And then a few seconds later he starts digging down into the grass, I can tell he’s digging down into the grass because now the grass is getting grounded up underneath his tire and its throwing itself up on the back of his White Lincoln Continental. So it’s turned from white to green and now a few minutes later he’s getting down into the dirt, and the grass he’s dug through the grass, he’s into the mud, and he’s making this hot steaming green and brown mud and it’s all just spinning and spinning and going up against the white paint of his Lincoln Continental and I’ll tell you what I’m thinking, I’m thinking boy you know what that guy needs, you know what that guy needs, I mean alls he’s doing is just spinning his wheels, he’s just using up his fuel, he’s just heating up his oil and he’s getting no where, obviously just stepping on that gas isn’t working, you know what that guy needs, he needs to get depressed, depressed. I’m going to explain that to you in just a moment. You see what did he do, as I’ve talked about before you know a lot of our motivation comes from wanting to fulfill our needs, wants or desires and when we fulfill those needs, wants and desires we feel good when we don’t we feel emotional pain and we feel bad. That bad feeling is there to motivate us to do the sometimes difficult things we need to do to what fulfill our needs, wants and desires and so, we being acting. This fellow in the Lincoln Continental, he needed to fulfill a need, want and desire and that’s what motivated him to get into his car and get on that freeway on that snowy day.

So there is some kind of thing maybe he’s going to see his wife or his girlfriend he was lonely and then he got onto that freeway he went off the side of the freeway, he’s not hurt or anything, but he’s in the rough area and alls he can think of doing is stepping on the gas and when he’s stepping on that accelerator, and making that wheel going around and around, what’s happening, well he is now lonely and frustrated, because what he’s doing isn’t working, so there he is lonely and frustrated, lonely and frustrated and so long as he keeps pushing on that accelerator and he doesn’t go anywhere his frustration level’s going up, up, up , up, up. And you see it’s not doing him any good; it’s not doing his car any good, it’s not doing anybody any good just using up the fuel, the oil, heating up the car maybe his blood pressure’s going through the roof, I don’t know. What’s the solution? Well I’ll tell what he needs to do he needs to let nature take over and let some normal, healthy depression kick in and you can always tell when that happens because the brain starts telling you whoa, give up, quit, it’s useless, it’s hopeless you see and what he was doing, stepping on that gas was useless, it was hopeless, he needs to what, he needs to get depressed and listen to that part of his brain that’s saying hey give up, quit. You see sometimes getting depressed and quitting and giving up is the healthiest thing you can do. So I assume that pretty soon, I just kept going but hopefully he got depressed and depressed, once we understand the secret language of feelings and what these feelings are really trying to get us to do we’ll spend a lot less time feeling bad, feeling emotional pain.

Once if he recognized that he was feeling frustrated then he wouldn’t have to get depressed because frustration, what it’s trying to get you to do, the language of frustration is it saying to you, hey, this isn’t working try something else, that’s right, whenever you feel frustrated I want you to start thinking, wait, frustration means what I’m doing isn’t working I need to try something else, you see but because that wasn’t clicking in, in his mind, he needs to slip into depression, normal, healthy depression and just quit for a while. Let the car cool, down, you know just stop using up all that fuel, quit messing up your tires and just stop and you should stay stopped until you can think of something that might work, that’s right. When you’re in depression it is a time, now I’m not talking about major clinical depression, diagnosed major depression, perhaps that’s something else.

Maybe I’ll talk a little bit more about that in another program, but right now I want to talk about normal everyday people with normal everyday problems, and by golly, sometimes we need to get depressed quit trying and just what maybe just relax for a while take a break, sometimes the best possible thing we can do is just go to bed for a few hours and rest up, get our energy back, get ourselves back into the proper frame of mind, and then here’s the key, we need to start generating other solutions, maybe we need to be creative, maybe we need to get some advice, maybe we need to get onto the internet and look some stuff up and do some research. But one things for sure if we keep doing what we’ve been doing we’re going to keep getting what we’ve been getting and the reason we got frustrated and depressed is because what we were doing wasn’t working, and it’s time to try something else. Now when you’re all frustrated and lonely or angry and frustrated and you’ve been turning your wheels and spinning your wheel that’s not the greatest time to be creative, you need to stop, let things cool down, and take a deep breath, get your energy back and then start looking at what the primary feeling is. What got me in this car, what got me in this job, why am I doing this thing and then what you want to do is see if you could come up with another way to fulfill your need, want or desire. When you do that you’re not guaranteed success, but you if you do anything else, you’re guaranteed frustration and depression. You want to become creative, you want to get some help, you want to get some advice, and you want to do some research. Now, once you’ve done that you’ve come up with another probable solution, then you can risk frustration, and by every time we try to do something we risk frustration, when we try and then succeed, we feel good, and we’ve fulfilled our need, want or desire. When we don’t we feel frustration, I want you to remember this if nothing else frustration is a call for creativity, because what you’re doing isn’t working. Depression it’s saying hey; take a break, relax, get yourself together, maybe do some research, after you’ve rested up, you do that and I’ll tell you what right away your life will be happier, you’ll be more successful in your life. Now, I want you to think about that guy in that car, you know what if he was sitting there and he was spinning his wheels and he decided oh my gosh, I’m never going to get there on time, I’m just going to keep giving it gas and that frustration comes up and he’s just frustrated, frustrated, if he smoked a cigarette in that moment to try to get his mind off the frustration, that’s not going to help at all, if he opened up a candy bar and started eating that candy bar, that’s not going to help at all, he might distract himself from the feeling inside he doesn’t like, but it’s not going to help him satisfy his feelings.

So, there we are, that’s what I want you to know and in the next episode what I’m going to talk about is, I’m going to talk about what feelings are really for, that’s right. I’m going to talk about some adventures I’ve had with some mental health professionals getting them to tell me what they think emotions are for. Alright, let me wrap this up, once again if you’re listening to this program anywhere else besides, I recommend you go there you can get the program notes and any information that goes along with this program, along with the graphics, and links to things that I reference and so on. You want to get in on the conversation, why don’t you go to yahoo groups; we have a group there that talks about this topic all the time the address for that is To work with someone trained in the secret language of feelings go to and if you’d like to learn more about how to become a Hypnotist or Hypnotherapist Certified in 5-Path and 7-Path, Self Hypnosis, go to Alright, that’s it, I think that’s going to wrap it all up for this episode; and this is Cal Banyan signing off.

This recording is the property of Cal Banyan and Cal Banyan’s Banyan Publishing Incorporated all rights reserved for private use only may not be duplicated without written permission.

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